fanciful devices: Sooo.....

A Stone Is Nobody's

A man ambushed a stone. Caught it.
Made it a prisoner.
Put it in a dark room and stood guard over it for the rest of his life.

His mother asked why.

He said, because it's held captive, because it is captured.

Look, the stone is asleep, she said, it does not know whether it's in a garden or not. Eternity and the stone
are mother and daughter; it is you who are getting old. The stone is only sleeping.

But I caught it, mother, it is mine by conquest, he said.

A stone is nobody's, not even its own. It is you who are conquered; you are minding the prisoner, which is yourself,
because you are afraid to go out, she said.

Yes yes, I am afraid, because you have never loved me, he said.

Which is true, because you have always been to me as the stone is to you, she said.

Russell Edson

FAQs

1. Are you a Southeast Asian dancing girl from the 1800s?

No, sorry to disappoint. My avatar and banner images are from an ancient book I found in the depths of my grandmother's cabinets. More on that here.

2. How do you make everything look so old?

First, you need a good oxidizer to brush on every bit of metal you can reach. I'll tell you all about it here.

Then there's this wax. I first mentioned it here. You'll have to scroll down a lot.

3. How can you be so productive?

I'm insanely obsessed and I have no offspring. I do nothing else- I don't have a day job, I don't clean my house or cook, I spend all day in pjs, often completely abandoning personal hygiene... I only interact with other humans when I walk my dog. And I like people! But I prefer dogs.

And I'm sloppy- but I make that sloppiness work for me.

4. Any tips you'd like to share?

No! Except for these 16 posts about techniques and this one about how to find your aesthetic.

5. Would you be offended if I took some inspiration from your designs?

Well, I'd be happier if you outright copied them.

No really, imitation is how we learn. I have enough ideas to go around. And even if I don't- please. No one's going to do this obsessively enough to threaten my business. (Probably.) I learned by copying others and I've seen others copy me as a step toward developing their own voice. So feel free. (I'd love if you tossed me a link in my comments, so I can feel like a proud momma.)

6. What do you look like?

Why, what have you heard? Really? Wow.

5/26/11

Sooo.....

Turns out it's not so easy to make things with just one hand while buzzed on pain meds.

Like here where I was so tunnel-vision-y making this sort of inner-pyramid thing that I didn't stop myself when it started looking like the sort of frothy blood that might come out of your mouth if your orthodontist was drunk while tightening your braces.

Though this one turned out....

Until I put it on the ol' gal and realized it was waaay too long. Your cleavage will look like it comes pre-groped with this one.

OK, but these turned out. When in doubt- add rhinestones! But c'mon- betcha didn't expect me to have those exact rhinestone bars that fit perfectly over the size I cut the earring-majiggies into. On the crappy side- turns out that when you oxidize aluminum, you loose every bit of detail on a religious medal. Oh well. This way it looks mysterious, right? Right?

So. This one looks good, right? But then look:

What the hell is this?

I even tried whatever the ef this is. Ugh.

On the upside, this one worked!

So you get another shot of it. Cuz it's all I gots!
Though I do have an anecdote:
We're watching TV, the Hubsicle and I, and there's this ad for a show and in it a demon lady is eating a dead guy and she says, "My first Croatian. Hmm, tastes like Serbian."
A couple minutes go by and Hubs is all, "Oh I just got that." And I go, "Whats to get?" And he goes, "Well, at first I was like, whats that got to do with seafood?"
??!!!!?!?!?!?!
And I go, "Whaaaa---? ... What does anything have to do wi--- Aaaahahahaha! CRUSTACEAN!!!"
And then peed myself laughing. Cuz yeah, what did it have to do with seafood? The connection was via Hubs' ridiculousness.

3 comments:

Regina said...: If I had to hide vampire bite marks I could wear that cuff around my neck, that would be perfect. Hope your hand feels better.; 5/26/11, 3:54 AM
Penelope said...: I was gunna say 'that don't look so bad' on the pyramid thing but the more I looked at it the more I could feel the whole blood thing.

I love that you're blogging fails. I should do that, I've got a shoebox full of unharmonious almost-cuffs alone. Seriously. My drug is self-doubt, and it's a hooker like nobody's business.; 5/26/11, 11:12 AM
Jenna said...: Put some ribbon on the cuff instead of a chain and it would make a perfect headband!; 6/19/11, 5:54 PM