fanciful devices: Missives from the future

A Stone Is Nobody's

A man ambushed a stone. Caught it.
Made it a prisoner.
Put it in a dark room and stood guard over it for the rest of his life.

His mother asked why.

He said, because it's held captive, because it is captured.

Look, the stone is asleep, she said, it does not know whether it's in a garden or not. Eternity and the stone
are mother and daughter; it is you who are getting old. The stone is only sleeping.

But I caught it, mother, it is mine by conquest, he said.

A stone is nobody's, not even its own. It is you who are conquered; you are minding the prisoner, which is yourself,
because you are afraid to go out, she said.

Yes yes, I am afraid, because you have never loved me, he said.

Which is true, because you have always been to me as the stone is to you, she said.

Russell Edson

FAQs

1. Are you a Southeast Asian dancing girl from the 1800s?

No, sorry to disappoint. My avatar and banner images are from an ancient book I found in the depths of my grandmother's cabinets. More on that here.

2. How do you make everything look so old?

First, you need a good oxidizer to brush on every bit of metal you can reach. I'll tell you all about it here.

Then there's this wax. I first mentioned it here. You'll have to scroll down a lot.

3. How can you be so productive?

I'm insanely obsessed and I have no offspring. I do nothing else- I don't have a day job, I don't clean my house or cook, I spend all day in pjs, often completely abandoning personal hygiene... I only interact with other humans when I walk my dog. And I like people! But I prefer dogs.

And I'm sloppy- but I make that sloppiness work for me.

4. Any tips you'd like to share?

No! Except for these 16 posts about techniques and this one about how to find your aesthetic.

5. Would you be offended if I took some inspiration from your designs?

Well, I'd be happier if you outright copied them.

No really, imitation is how we learn. I have enough ideas to go around. And even if I don't- please. No one's going to do this obsessively enough to threaten my business. (Probably.) I learned by copying others and I've seen others copy me as a step toward developing their own voice. So feel free. (I'd love if you tossed me a link in my comments, so I can feel like a proud momma.)

6. What do you look like?

Why, what have you heard? Really? Wow.

8/31/14

Missives from the future

So I'm not writing right now, I'm talking these words right into my iPad. How cool is that? If only I had something to say.

I've listed some earring pair sets. (okay the iPad heard that as 'hearing impaired sex,' so I guess it's not really the future yet.)

Okay I do have one bit of maybe exciting news.

I joined a gym and I'm taking Zumba classes.

I've already been to two classes and every last little bit of me hurts.

The first class was extremely traumatic what with the big mirrors and my awkward self.

So the second class I wore make up and already it was much less traumatizing. That's right I put on make up to go exercise.

Oh and my mom took me to buy exercise clothes. (Cuz I'm 40 and my mommy takes me to buy clothes.)

She was so excited she took a picture of me at the checkout to text to her friend. And the cashier guy was like are you not from around here? That you'd feel the need to commemorate shopping at target?

Now here's Mom with Blanquito.

3 comments:

darlene said...: zumba is so much fun! enjoy!; 8/31/14, 5:13 PM
Miss R said...: Pretty pretties!!

But we need to know...what kind of music do they play at zumba?? I'm scared, I want to, but reggaeton. RAGGAETON. (So I took bellydance and totes suck at it.)

Your audience needs to know. Blanquito and your mom are adorbs.; 8/31/14, 9:04 PM
Chris said...: Blanquito and your Mom...and the pink curlers. Darling~ And you are rockin' the Zumba! Positive changes just rock.; 9/1/14, 12:44 PM