fanciful devices: Do you ever get into this zone

A Stone Is Nobody's

A man ambushed a stone. Caught it.
Made it a prisoner.
Put it in a dark room and stood guard over it for the rest of his life.

His mother asked why.

He said, because it's held captive, because it is captured.

Look, the stone is asleep, she said, it does not know whether it's in a garden or not. Eternity and the stone
are mother and daughter; it is you who are getting old. The stone is only sleeping.

But I caught it, mother, it is mine by conquest, he said.

A stone is nobody's, not even its own. It is you who are conquered; you are minding the prisoner, which is yourself,
because you are afraid to go out, she said.

Yes yes, I am afraid, because you have never loved me, he said.

Which is true, because you have always been to me as the stone is to you, she said.

Russell Edson

FAQs

1. Are you a Southeast Asian dancing girl from the 1800s?

No, sorry to disappoint. My avatar and banner images are from an ancient book I found in the depths of my grandmother's cabinets. More on that here.

2. How do you make everything look so old?

First, you need a good oxidizer to brush on every bit of metal you can reach. I'll tell you all about it here.

Then there's this wax. I first mentioned it here. You'll have to scroll down a lot.

3. How can you be so productive?

I'm insanely obsessed and I have no offspring. I do nothing else- I don't have a day job, I don't clean my house or cook, I spend all day in pjs, often completely abandoning personal hygiene... I only interact with other humans when I walk my dog. And I like people! But I prefer dogs.

And I'm sloppy- but I make that sloppiness work for me.

4. Any tips you'd like to share?

No! Except for these 16 posts about techniques and this one about how to find your aesthetic.

5. Would you be offended if I took some inspiration from your designs?

Well, I'd be happier if you outright copied them.

No really, imitation is how we learn. I have enough ideas to go around. And even if I don't- please. No one's going to do this obsessively enough to threaten my business. (Probably.) I learned by copying others and I've seen others copy me as a step toward developing their own voice. So feel free. (I'd love if you tossed me a link in my comments, so I can feel like a proud momma.)

6. What do you look like?

Why, what have you heard? Really? Wow.

1/11/14

Do you ever get into this zone

where you don't wanna do anything but read in bed and watch Netflix? I know, I should be saying do you ever get out of that zone. Look at this recent picture of the president of my country:

Yup. He's the guy in the middle. And y'all wonder why I'm silly.
Now lets look at some pix that have recently made me laugh. (There will be a prize at the end of this whole pointless post.)

"WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?"

The above made me laugh for two years.

And dude captioned this with "I couldn't find my bird anywhere and then..."

I wanna live in this guy's face.

Now look at this table that is not connected to the wall.

No really, look at it.

OK, your reward for indulging me is a big ol' coupon for anything in the shop EXCEPT tutorials for 30% off when you use the code 30PERCENT. During checkout, under "How you'll pay" click "Apply coupon code" and enter it there. It won't work if you put it in 'notes to seller'!!!!! And I'm only announcing this on the blog, cuz it's been a while since I did giveaways or anything.

11 comments:

StaroftheEast said...: Priceless pics, thank you!
And your president? What a puppy!; 1/12/14, 2:06 AM
Anvil Artifacts said...: Sportsing...bwahahahahahahaha; 1/12/14, 9:10 AM
Unknown said...: Always fun to read the photos and cartoons you add to the blog. I just want to hug a seal now...it's cold enough I the Midwest for them.; 1/12/14, 2:23 PM
Unknown said...: Oh shoot - I forgot to say that Mr. Prez is just too cute and his style makes me chuckle. If you've got a rule a country you might as well be comfortable!; 1/12/14, 2:33 PM
Unknown said...: Mr President is probably so laid back cos he gives away most of his salary! Cats are such doofuses!; 1/12/14, 5:01 PM
Lela said...: sportsing! love that one...so perfect!!!! And so true!!!; 1/12/14, 9:22 PM
Jen said...: Couldn't sleep...totes magotes pic love it...needed a laugh...always nice to see a new blog post...starting from the beg. Of your blog...your dream of the worm and seeing his world from his/her/its vantage point, everything eTing and being eaten....the apololypytic vision...oh my...beautiful, ghastly, real; 1/13/14, 3:25 AM
Miss R said...: Thank goodness they don't make human-sized bags of Doritos or I'd be that bird.

I like your president's open-toe policy.; 1/14/14, 5:20 PM
Anonymous said...: Ok- I was fine w/ your comfy prez, 'til I got to the capris. Yikes!
Totes magotes Lol!!!; 1/14/14, 7:25 PM
Anonymous said...: Pepe rocks:

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/dec/13/uruguay-president-jose-mujica

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/dec/16/uruguay-president-adoption-plans-teaching-children-farming; 1/15/14, 3:56 PM
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