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Dog Poo Doesn't Melt and Other Winterisms.

Over a foot of snow blankets Chicago, absorbing sounds you never even noticed to begin with. Footsteps, voices, cars, wind.
If you've never lived in snowy climes, it's amazing. It changes the world and, when the machines of removal are still struggling, makes a simple walk into a challenging adventure.
If you have or do live in said climes, it creates coziness indoors you never tire of, and difficulties outdoors you quickly do.
In any case, for some reason people loose their will to bend down in this weather.
When it all melts into muddy puddles, the dread poos re-appear. 
That's when it's my time to shine.
If you've ever watched a home decor show, you'll have heard that the best thing you can do is paint a room. They always say it provides, "the biggest bang for your buck."
Allow me to respectfully disagree.
Not only is paint expensive, the actual painting is a huge project and requires tons of effort.
I believe removing poo provides far, far more bang for your buck. Like, by vast degrees of magnitude, cuz what buck?
Just imagine an area with poo, and now without. That's bang, baby.
So when the first hints of spring arrive, I go poo hunting. It's the one thing I do for my hood, other than being a decent neighbor, paying fees, etc.
Some people think it's some huge self-sacrifice. Really, it's just something to keep me occupied during the often boring task of dog-walking. Bingo sniffs and pees, I hunt poo.
Some people think it's disgusting. To that I say, well, yeah if it were human poo it would be.
That thought once occurred to me while in the process and I had to quickly abandon my task.
Just the image of these now-soggy globs emerging from some nasty ol' human butt put me off for the rest of the day.
But it's dogs. Nothing that dogs do is gross.
Not butt sniffing, not humping, not producing eye boogers and not pooping.
Their wonderfulness cancels out any repulsion I can have, even if they are anonymous to me, having left only the remains of the process by which they turn food into goofy, joyful and guile-free life.
Recently, a youth posted on tumbler, "You haven't really had a girlfriend until you've wrestled her used tampon from your dog's jaws." 
Having a dog makes it easy to make such a declaration to the world. Imagine any part of that without a dog involved. "I had to pick my girlfriend's used tampon up off the floor," for example. Now it goes from being hilarious and somehow adorable, as well as yeah gross, to just fucking nasty. 
That's dogs.
And that's all I have to say about that. 
I know the title promised "other winterisms" that you are now at the edge of your seat in anticipation of, but... yeah.... no.

Now lets all watch epic mustachio man be epic. 

(I'm gonna be needing a plane ticket to Turkey...)

10 comments:

neshuma said...

...More cowbell.

Beatnheart said...

I am celebrating our second year anniversary...it was two years ago, new years day, when i first came across your blog and fell under your spell ... And now to celebrate i have just read a detailed description of you and the joys of dog poo... I fell in love all over with you marina...you never ever get old or stale... Your wild eyed way of looking at the world brings me indescribable happiness...
Cynthia

Sparrow said...

I have never lived in snowy times climes...I'm saving up to though! I've seen snow once, and it was on a mountain where you expect it to be. Yet for never seeing civilization under the white blanket it seems like the most normal thing ever, and I think there must be some kind of hole in me because I've not experienced it. But that'll be filled soon enough.

Also you are reading too many (is there such a thing?) English writings of a certain nature, and are now starting to sound like me.

sandi m said...

Did you think it was never going to stop?! Shoveled at least 7 times. Nice exercise if your resolution was to get fit in the New Year.... Let's not even talk about our streets and alleys...
At least there's sun today. But not looking forward to the impending dEEp freeze.
Ha about the painting; I even have the goods - just don't feel like moving shiz around right now.
Bless you for being a poo picker - glad we don't have many dogs in my neighborhood.
Stay warm, Marina ~ look forward to more of your creative thoughts in 2014!


Betsi Goutal said...

Ok, I'll admit that when your story reached "That's when it's my time to shine. If you've ever watched a home decor show, you'll have heard that the best thing you can do is paint a room." it was like watching some kind of surgery documentary - I was equally horrified and excited, because for a second there I was convinced you'd started painting dog poo and - being you - and yet somehow had found some way to make it grungaliciously gorgeous. :D In seriousness (ha) though, you are pretty awesome for being your neighborhood's poop removal fairy. The phrase "the remains of the process by which they turn food into goofy, joyful and guile-free life" made me giggle.

Though I gotta say, I love your clever marketing there, with home decor talk sandwiching pics of those amazing tiny houses! ;) Though it's the earring right above those that I find hypnotically entrancing. Expertly grunged up as always, and totally my fave color pallette.

And you are so sweet for calling me a "fan" in your convo reply earlier, rather than "crazy psycho obsessive stalker" which frankly would also be accurate. What can I say, from the very first paragraph of the first tutorial I bought from you (your description of what tribal is) I was hooked. And when I spied that sweetheart stamping in the picture on page four of the bangle tute? Dude, I have an effing crapton of those in my supply shop... I knew then that were were soul sistahs.

Anyway. I'll probably shoot you a note sometime soon with a list of some other links to "greatest hits" I'm dredging out of your archives.

RaggedRobyn said...

That a lot of eye candy! Great combo's of shapes, colour and materials! Keep em coming :)
That guy with the ice cream made me laugh and laugh, I nearly fell off my chair :/

neshuma said...

* P O O P F A I R Y *

(--Betsi: that's an epic win.)

Liz E said...

I want you for a neighbor!

The all time highlight of cleaning my dog's poo was doing it the day after he ate some crayons :p

At Washington State University you can get a coupon for ice cream by turning in a fresh dog poo:
http://www.vetmed.wsu.edu/depts_waddl/salmonella.aspx

CraftyHope said...

I'm laugh-crying over this post and just had to read it outloud to my hubs. You have more guts than I do. Of course, just living where it snows and blows all crazy-like makes you have more guts than me. It's sunny and 50 degrees here today and I don't want to go outside. That's why I have cats.

Juliette Williams said...

Just have to agree with Cynthia Beatnheart here - I think it's been two years or so since I found your blog, and am still so happy when I have another post of yours to read and ogle over. What a fantastic post!! There are so many pieces that have really inspired me. Especially that golden torque/choker with the Ammonite. Okay, and I adore that video. Have to share it!!! xoxoxoxo Happy New Year, sweet friend