Dog Poo Doesn't Melt and Other Winterisms.

Over a foot of snow blankets Chicago, absorbing sounds you never even noticed to begin with. Footsteps, voices, cars, wind.

If you've never lived in snowy climes, it's amazing. It changes the world and, when the machines of removal are still struggling, makes a simple walk into a challenging adventure.

If you have or do live in said climes, it creates coziness indoors you never tire of, and difficulties outdoors you quickly do.

In any case, for some reason people loose their will to bend down in this weather.

When it all melts into muddy puddles, the dread poos re-appear. 

That's when it's my time to shine.

If you've ever watched a home decor show, you'll have heard that the best thing you can do is paint a room. They always say it provides, "the biggest bang for your buck."

Allow me to respectfully disagree.

Not only is paint expensive, the actual painting is a huge project and requires tons of effort.

I believe removing poo provides far, far more bang for your buck. Like, by vast degrees of magnitude, cuz what buck?

Just imagine an area with poo, and now without. That's bang, baby.

So when the first hints of spring arrive, I go poo hunting. It's the one thing I do for my hood, other than being a decent neighbor, paying fees, etc.

Some people think it's some huge self-sacrifice. Really, it's just something to keep me occupied during the often boring task of dog-walking. Bingo sniffs and pees, I hunt poo.

Some people think it's disgusting. To that I say, well, yeah if it were human poo it would be.

That thought once occurred to me while in the process and I had to quickly abandon my task.

Just the image of these now-soggy globs emerging from some nasty ol' human butt put me off for the rest of the day.

But it's dogs. Nothing that dogs do is gross.

Not butt sniffing, not humping, not producing eye boogers and not pooping.

Their wonderfulness cancels out any repulsion I can have, even if they are anonymous to me, having left only the remains of the process by which they turn food into goofy, joyful and guile-free life.

Recently, a youth posted on tumbler, "You haven't really had a girlfriend until you've wrestled her used tampon from your dog's jaws." 

Having a dog makes it easy to make such a declaration to the world. Imagine any part of that without a dog involved. "I had to pick my girlfriend's used tampon up off the floor," for example. Now it goes from being hilarious and somehow adorable, as well as yeah gross, to just fucking nasty. 

That's dogs.

And that's all I have to say about that. 

I know the title promised "other winterisms" that you are now at the edge of your seat in anticipation of, but... yeah.... no.

Now lets all watch epic mustachio man be epic. 

(I'm gonna be needing a plane ticket to Turkey...)