fanciful devices: Nephew David

A Stone Is Nobody's

A man ambushed a stone. Caught it.
Made it a prisoner.
Put it in a dark room and stood guard over it for the rest of his life.

His mother asked why.

He said, because it's held captive, because it is captured.

Look, the stone is asleep, she said, it does not know whether it's in a garden or not. Eternity and the stone
are mother and daughter; it is you who are getting old. The stone is only sleeping.

But I caught it, mother, it is mine by conquest, he said.

A stone is nobody's, not even its own. It is you who are conquered; you are minding the prisoner, which is yourself,
because you are afraid to go out, she said.

Yes yes, I am afraid, because you have never loved me, he said.

Which is true, because you have always been to me as the stone is to you, she said.

Russell Edson

FAQs

1. Are you a Southeast Asian dancing girl from the 1800s?

No, sorry to disappoint. My avatar and banner images are from an ancient book I found in the depths of my grandmother's cabinets. More on that here.

2. How do you make everything look so old?

First, you need a good oxidizer to brush on every bit of metal you can reach. I'll tell you all about it here.

Then there's this wax. I first mentioned it here. You'll have to scroll down a lot.

3. How can you be so productive?

I'm insanely obsessed and I have no offspring. I do nothing else- I don't have a day job, I don't clean my house or cook, I spend all day in pjs, often completely abandoning personal hygiene... I only interact with other humans when I walk my dog. And I like people! But I prefer dogs.

And I'm sloppy- but I make that sloppiness work for me.

4. Any tips you'd like to share?

No! Except for these 16 posts about techniques and this one about how to find your aesthetic.

5. Would you be offended if I took some inspiration from your designs?

Well, I'd be happier if you outright copied them.

No really, imitation is how we learn. I have enough ideas to go around. And even if I don't- please. No one's going to do this obsessively enough to threaten my business. (Probably.) I learned by copying others and I've seen others copy me as a step toward developing their own voice. So feel free. (I'd love if you tossed me a link in my comments, so I can feel like a proud momma.)

6. What do you look like?

Why, what have you heard? Really? Wow.

2/15/13

Nephew David

My nephew who just turned 5, as he kept informing everyone- "I'm a whole five years old!"- visited from Cali so Mom and I took him to the Science and Industry Museum.

OK, I hadn't been there since I was a school kid and it was amazing, but that's not what this story is about. This story is about our tour of their coal mine.

David was very eager to go and when the guide told us we were 600 pretend feet underground we heard some "whoas" and "awesomes".

Later he was showing how the flame lantern miners used to check and see if there's methane down there basically turned them into walking bombs. But the flame things only cost $30 while the methane meters, invented in '62, cost $600--- "Which is how deep we are underground!" David exclaimed. That took us all a minute to process.

The point being the modern machinery is often prohibitively expensive. "Like this building-sized drill modern mines use, can anyone guess how much this costs?" Our wonderful, patient tour guide asked.

David goes, "Three... hundred... forty five.... million dollars!!!" He loves coming up with big numbers. "Did you just say three hundred forty five million dollars?" asks a very perplexed guide. "Yeah!" "Um, yeah, that... that's just about exactly what it costs..."

Gathering his thoughts he explained to us it had a section called a roof shield. "Knights used shields too actually," David informed him. "Yeah," the guide rolled with it, "and do you know what they used them for?" "Well, if an asteroid came down they could bounce them off the shield!"

By now I'm bent over double trying to stifle the lafinks and Superguide comes up with, "... yeah... and this one's also to protect from falling rocks."

As we were leaving the tour, which was proclaimed "awesome," by the boy of the hour, the lady from the other family that was with us tells my mom, "That boy's going to invent something someday."

David turns around and looks at her. "I'm gonna be a ninja."

^Someone asked about the wires. They're just 20 gauge brass. I was surprised to find I liked the 20 more than 22- it's sturdier in the ear hole, without being uncomfortable like 18 gauge.)

For some reason all visit long, he was explaining to us that "infinity is not a number, it's a concept." The final night something occurred to me.

"David, what's a concept?" I asked.

He threw his tiny arms up, "I don't know!"

And in case you think I only poop rainbows, here's a piece of crap I threw together out of really good bits that didn't work at all-->>

Goddamnit.

11 comments:

Flotsam Tide said...: Wait? What? But you do exude rainbows to me.. although not from down below necessarily. You have been busy! Ugh, those first two necklaces are gorgeous! Love that creamy pink carved shell focal with those brass tubes. Wonderful my friend.; 2/16/13, 12:12 AM
HenrietteWhite said...: Please don't stop pooping rainbows!!! Love them!; 2/16/13, 2:26 AM
Jennifer Valentine Morford said...: I wondered why my mouth was dry...it was because it was hanging open.
As I was looking at your work...In sheer incredulousnessity.
I cannot believe your talent exists.
You. are. extraordinary.; 2/16/13, 2:28 AM
Anonymous said...: yep loving that pink necklace a lot too, plus those lemon earrings are stunning too. My daughter Fern is always interested in the toilet facilities of centuries past, but thankfully wants to be a zoo keeper when she grows up.; 2/16/13, 5:21 AM
Penelope said...: Okay the thing that didn't work... take away the long sticks (they butt up against the stonework too hard, it's jolting) and make the hanging bit bigger/longer.

David is so funny- your whole family is hilarious. Pardon my ignorance on kids, but is he really developed for a 5 year old? Cause I know an 8 year old who couldn't elucidate like that. I have no idea about children.; 2/16/13, 11:15 AM
Penelope said...: Oh I forgot to say, the museum I used to live in had a real coal mine. It was dark and wet and smelled faintly of burnt wood. I used to tell kids Batman lived in one end and a dragon lived in the other. I did NOT like having to walk through that thing every night to lock up. (health n safety made me walk through every night in case someone was passed out down there. I only did it twice!); 2/16/13, 11:17 AM
willowstudio said...: The amethyst is the only part that doesn't seem to work
on your "poop-piece..."
(The spindle whorl earrings are totally scrumptious.); 2/16/13, 1:38 PM
Anonymous said...: ahahahha! what an amazing child genius.; 2/16/13, 2:08 PM
martinisfor2 said...: David is a hoot! I would have wet myself and lost my contacts if I were in your group.

The first two necklaces are phenomenal! oozing with wicked gorgeousness! I am loving the earrings too...especially the first two pair.

Please don't burst our rainbow bubbles of you. Say it ain't so...; 2/16/13, 2:45 PM
Unknown said...: If David exudes rainbows it's perfectly acceptable that his aunt probably does too. And that is as cool as being eclectic or eccentric or anything else...love the new neckalces. My favorite for earring wires is 20 gauge too -although at times I use 19 gauge full hard too.; 2/16/13, 3:03 PM
gretchen said...: oh.......i can't wait to use that line. I am going to a party this weekend and will find some way to work it into every conversation!
you are most entertaining. apparently it runs in your family, lucky girl.
love the little shrine and that pink focal is a wonder, along with those extremely long metal beads. Of course your earrings are poop-tastic, too.; 2/18/13, 2:42 AM